Time To Be a McChicagoan!

Like many Chicagoans, you, too, will wake up on Saturday morning, scratch your head, kick the pizza box next to your bed, contemplate the meaning of life, and then realize that it is far too early (at least by hang-over standards) for that sort of thinking.

That’s why the best place to start your day is by indulging in the mindless–but visually engaging—spectacle of Dyeing the Chicago River starting at 10:45. The privately funded (but public accessible!) event will kick off at the corner of Columbus and Wacker Drive. Hey, if for no other reason, then you can at least take solace in the fact that you will have nothing with the river turning green, for once.

After you’ve watched icy blue turning emerald green head over to the St. Patrick’s Day Parade, which will stretch from Balbo and Columbus all the way north to the Buckingham Fountain, starting at noon. The event will feature marching bands, giant leprechauns, men in kilts, floats, horse-drawn carriages, clover leaves, anything green, and yes, a heck of a lot of Irish pride.

If you’re still downtown (and upright), you might as well check out the following:

Fado Irish Pub
Come watch some live music with Nappertandy performing their rock versions of Celtic songs and Celtic-inspired take on old school rock & roll until 4pm. Sample the Irish beers on special and tell yourself that the only reason you’re getting your drink on at 1pm is because you would hate to dishonor such a noble Irish tradition.

Lucky Strike Lanes
Grab a Guinness (and a friend’s hand for balance), and slip on the world’s most unattractive pairs of shoes as you challenge your buddies for a game of bowling. Be sure to stick around for DJ Gusto’s spinning and the prizes & giveaways. True hardcores will try the $4 Jameson shots and $5 Irish Car Bombs. It may be time to write your liver that “Dear John” letter.

Grace O’Malley’s
Should your still retain most of your senses (and clothes) by that point, come watch the Shannon Rovers pipe and drum band and the World Academy of Irish Dancers bust move that will probably have you wondering “How?” By that point, it might be a good idea to load up on food and go for the Irish sausage dogs, the fish n’ chips, the corned beef & sauerkraut, and wash it all down with some Green Miller Lite.

Once you get home, be sure to take off your green beads, wash your face of the green clover leaves you had some chick paint on your cheeks, and throw your leprechaun hat on the couch. Just for extra measure, look inside last night’s pizza box for any possible leftovers. You won’t know the difference anyway.

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