Archive for September, 2008

Less Liberace, More Liberated.

September 23, 2008

You know, one of my recent posts prompted someone to suggest that I “find something better to do” other than “obsess about being gay“. Not one to overlook expressions of sincere concern from our readers, I decided to think of something better to do with my time. For inspiration I looked deep in the mirror to see if there was something more meaningful I could do, like a good tweeze, a shave or a pluck. But alas, perfection had already beaten me to my face. Frustrated by my fulfilled potential, I decided to pick up something to read. But flicking through the last issue of “It’s This Big!” I realized that I had already read all the ads cover to centerfold. So lastly, I popped a DVD in the player to see if any of the dialogue in “The Thai Ladyboy” would inspire me, but alas, nothing new.

Which is fine, because a place I know where I’ll find a truly great cause is the 16th Annual Hall of Fame Celebrity Auction, to be held at Sidetrack on Tuesday, September 23rd at 7pm. The auction benefits the 2008 Chicago Gay and Lesbian Hall of Fame induction ceremony. For those of you who don’t know what that is, think of it like any regular Hall of Fame induction ceremony, only with a fog machine and strobe lights. The event is sponsored by Boi Magazine, Circuit Night Club, Firefly, J&L Catering, Ketel One Vodka, Miller Lite, Sidetrack, and Supergurl Images. And should this not qualify as “something better to do” with my time, perhaps I will simply go home and look for something less gay on television. Surely Bravo has a new show.

Random Thoughts: Calling On All Straight Men!

September 16, 2008

What Every Straight Man should Know.

One of the great benefits of being gay—other than the usual perks of knowing how to groom, dress, swagger and run for a Republican senatorial position—comes the beautiful relationships us homos have with our sisters-in-awe: the ability to bitch over men. It’s a wonderfully cathartic exercise and I urge every girl to adopt her very own must-have accessory for every season: a gay. Thankfully, if you’re a woman reading this, you have at least 3-4 good gays in your life (one for every pair of really good shoes), so it is not you I am addressing. Rather, it is those straight men out there who wonder what it is that makes our relationship with you so special.

So, I am calling on my straight male brethren to wake up and learn from us gay men (okay, we’ll let you call us “bro” if it makes you feel better/hotter/straighter, it kinda turns us on too, I’m just sayin’) in the hope that you too begin making an effort to own your bevy of 3-4 good gays (one for every pair of really good shoes she left in your house as her way of staking claim to your ass.) And here is why:

1) We have an innate ability to translate “girlinguistics” into “menrisms”. Example: We know that when she tells you “I feel fat”, what she means is “you better put up with my thunder thighs because I sure as hell am getting tired of having your blubber gut push me out of bed each morning”. It’s true and scientifically proven.

2) We know everything about her. Everything fun, at least. We probably know more about her than some of her best girlfriends. We do, and it makes sense: there is never any competition over guys; we could never date each other’s ex (or at least nothing she needs to know about); there is never any doubt about who is hotter (in a concentrated effort to keep world peace, we usually concede the hotness to her); and we can’t share the bathroom, which means that we’ve never had to share a stall, hear her pee, smell her poop nuggets as they plop in the water, or watch her pop a zit, all of which could be potentially hazardous to our friendship. As far as we’re concerned she has no bodily functions.

3) Most importantly of all—who do you think teaches her all those tricks in bed??? Do you honestly think she was born with an innate understanding of when to take off her rings? When to spread her body weight just the right way? How to give you a helping hand (ahem)? How to persuade you that you’ll really like it if it’s just one finger? And what to do with her tongue around your rhymes-with-tentacles? As the old saying goes, “bro, please.”

Here I am with my main, main bro, Jake–a man who has seen the light and adopted his very own personal gay.

Art Review: Reena S. Kallat : Subject to Change

September 12, 2008

The duality of the term “subject” (as pronoun and verb) reflects Kallat’s subtle insistence on ambivalence. Lunar Notes—a screen comprised of hundreds of strung marble beads depicting the Taj Mahal—takes on a radically new meaning when inspected up close. The meticulous hand-casting of the beads is revealed by the different names of real and mythological lovers on each individual bead. In lieu of becoming an ode to the greatest Indian monument of love, the screen becomes a more quiet and intimate meditation on the uniqueness and complexity of love, and the light swaying of each string of beads further reinforces notions of fragility and ethereality.


Kallat is clearly fascinated by names and their ability to act as surrogates for both national and personal identities. Synonym is a series of seven oversized portraits made up of painted rubber stamps—each one bearing the name of a missing person in India. The beauty and awe evoked by the distant viewing of each portrait (mostly of young, smiling children) gradually diminish as viewers get closer. The clarity of the subject matter is consequentially compromised with each step, and the portraits morph into heartbreaking memorials of loss. It is impossible to remain unfazed by such a gently devastating body of work.

Reena Kallat’s work is showing at Walsh Gallery through October 11, 2008. Her work is collected internationally and can be found anywhere from the Shanghai Zendai Museum of Modern Art to Chicago’s very own Cultural Center.